Six to Sick

I had been here for a long time. Too much I want to stay here. I know my parents won't allow me to, but... ah! I don't know.

What am I doing? Learning something they want to, not me. What am I doing? Do they know what I want? Once more I think about it deeply. This is not what I want. But I had been trapped in this labyrinth for years. I had some unconscious moment when I want to rest... want to rebel. Yet... I think I didn't express it correctly I'm in the pain.

What will I do? Teach? No. It's what they want. Not me.

Languages, poetry, poems, stories... I feel familiar more with them, not numbers. Not that I hate it, just.. it's not my things.

I feel ease and fun there. Not so many pressure since that what I like, I love.

And I think about it thoroughly. Nights, days. I think I'm selfish enough I'm scared I disappoint them. Will they forgive me? They will, but they'll hurt. I hurt them. That's the last thing I want to do in my life.

What if I say my feelings from the beginning? Will this mess never happen? What if I have a gut to confess. Will this hard feeling will never happen? Those 'what if'es are useless.

Now.. what I want to do is finish it. Bad or good. I hope I can tell them what I want.

I live a life. I don't want to feel regret not doing what I want.

I need them. Still need them. But not to interfere my life. Watch me and correct me if I goes wrong. I'm not a robot.

I hope this six can't be sick.