Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: G
January2013
Winter is always cold. I should’ve known it. I, however, sat here on the bench in the park wearing nothing but tiny pajamas. I must been crazy. People who see me must be thinking I’m crazy. They’re right though. Yes, I’m crazy and it is because of him.
~~~
I ran briskly everywhere. It had been an hour and I didn’t found Seohyun yet. I started to get panic and worried. Seohyun had to be alright. Seohyun had to be okay. Seohyun had to be fine. I chanted those words several times, praying for my best friend.
The snow flurries got heavier and heavier and I couldn’t help but worried even more. Seohyun only wore tiny pajamas as she ran suddenly after hearing the news. I was near burst in tears when I got a call from Jonghyun.
“Yeoboseyo?”
“I found her.” Jonghyun informed, sending relieve sighed to me.
“Where is she now? She’s alright, right?”
“We’re in the Seoul Hospital right now. She fainted.”
I ran like a mad woman, cursing all the way to hospital while tears kept falling down on my cheek. “I should be more careful.” I cursed and wiped tears which stubbornly kept race along.
I never felt a journey from my neighborhood to hospital could take long time. “Ahjeossi. Can you drive faster please?” I got impatient.
I ran into receptionist asking for patient named Seo Juhyeon. After got the info, I ran immediately.
I saw Jonghyun was sitting on the seat. “Jonghyun-ah!!” I ran to him. “How is she? What doctor says?” I asked panic.
He could only look at me and rubbed my arms. I knew he tried to make me calm, but I couldn’t. Not when I don’t know her condition. “You’re cold.”
“How is she?” I got impatient.
“Sshh!! She’s okay now. Don’t worry.”
I collapsed on his embrace as I burst in tears. I buried my face on his chest. “This is my fault. I can’t forgive myself if something bad happen to her.” I managed to say between cry.
“Ssshh.. No. It’s not your fault. We know Seohyun. She will be alright.” I brought to sat on the seat as Jonghyun kept rubbing my back.
I heard the door been opened. I looked up and saw the doctor. I ran towards him. “Doctor, how is she? How’s Seohyun?”
“Her body is very weak. She had malnourishment and since she stayed a long time on the snow, it make it worst. I already gave intravenous feeding. She’ll get better tomorrow. Let her rest. Don’t worry, she’ll be alright.”
I bowed repeatedly. “Kamsahabnida. Kamsahabnida.”
“No need. This is my duty.”
“Can I see her?”
“Of course, but please don’t disturb her. She’s really need rest.”
“Arasseoyo. I’ll just see her a minute.”
The doctor nodded. “Sure.”
I opened the door and I sobbed seeing Seohyun weakly laid there. I wished I never seen her so weak like right now. I walked closer to her. She’s so pale and skinnier. I could see dark circle under her eyes. She must be really sad. I couldn’t help but cried again.
“Yoona” Jonghyun called me.
I squeezed Seohyun’s hand, tried to transfer my warmth. At least, maybe, I felt less guilty. But no. I could feel my heart heavier.
“I’m a bad friend, Jonghyun-ah..” I said, covered my mouth.
He squeezed my shoulder. “No, you’re not.”
I knew he just wanted to make me felt better.
“I’ll stay here.” I informed him, more like insisted since I didn’t care if he didn’t like the idea.
“But, Yoona-ya..”
“Please~” I cut him off. “At least this is what I can do.”
Finally Jonghyun gave up. “Arasseo. I’ll just buy some food. You didn’t have dinner yet.”
“I don’t feel like eating.”
“You must. You must be strong for Seohyun. We must be strong for Seohyun.”
Jonghyun was right. I must be strong for her. “Arasseo.”
Jonghyun went out of the room, leaving us here, alone. I looked at my unconscious best friend. If I could turned back the time, I wouldn’t introduce him to her. Jung Yonghwa.
###
August 2007
“Woaaahhh!! I can’t believe it!! We’re college student now.” Seohyun threw her whole body to the fluffy bed.
“Yah!! The bed is still dirty!!” Yoona, the clean freak, screamed.
Seohyun got up. “Geez!! We won’t die just because of it.”
“Whatever.” She ignored her and continued to unpack.
“When Jonghyun oppa will arrive?”
“He must be late again.” Yoona scoffed.
“Are you two fighting again?”
“Nope!!” Yoona replied sternly and Seohyun knew she lied.
“What is it this time? His guitar again?”
Yoona didn’t reply.
“Yah!! I’m asking you!!” Seohyun took the book Yoona hold.
“Yah!!” Yoona shouted back… and sighed. She collapsed in frustration. “I must be crazy.” She messed her hair.
“Why are you so jealous over guitar? It’s only guitar, not another girl.”
“You can say it light since you’ve never in relationship before Seohyun.”
“… Maybe. But still, I think he’s better since he do not cheat on you with other women.”
Yoona sighed. “You think so?”
Seohyun nodded. “You know uri oppa’s passion. He wants to be the best musician ever.”
“Yeahh.. I just..I just feel lonely when your brother chooses his guitar over me.”
Seohyun giggled. “You silly girl. You know that only you the woman in his heart.”
“That’s not true.” She looked sad.
“Eh?” Seohyun widened her eyes. It couldn’t be her oppa had another woman.
Yoona then grinned. “You’re also woman, silly!! And he really loves you.”
“Yah!! You scared me to death!! And miss.. Why comparing siblings love with couple love? That’s not fair!” Seohyun threw pillow on Yoona. Yoona took another pillow and soon, they had pillow fight. A game they always did since they’re still child.
They laughed then. They had been best of friends since they were junior high school. Ever since then, they couldn’t be separated. Then Seohyun found out that her brother loved her best friend which not long after, she found that Yoona also had long crush on him. She couldn’t be happier when the two officially date.
The bell rang and the girls stopped throwing pillow.
“That must be oppa!” Seohyun chirped. “I’ll open it.” Seohyun ran towards the front door. “Oppa!!” Seohyun hugged Jonghyun.
“Hey big bunny~!” Jonghyun hugged back.
Seohyun noticed Jonghyun brought something in his hands.
“What is that?” She asked.
“Goguma for you and.. Jajangmyeon for my deer.” He smiled sweetly to his girlfriend.
The girls grabbed the food and ate it immediately, forgetting the man who brought it. Jonghyun shook his head, couldn’t believe he had girls who love to eat a lot. He made a way to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. He took two glasses for the girls as well.
“Gomawo” Seohyun said munching her favorite.
“Don’t talk while eating!” Jonghyun scolded his dongsaeng.
He looked around at their new apartment. Since they entered university, the girls decided that they’ll live independently. That’s why they moved to this apartment, moreover, it was the cheapest and nearest to their campus. Jonghyun could only shook his head as he saw their belongings still messed on the floor, waving at him to get his attention.
“Alright monsters… quickly finish your food and let’s get it started. I don’t have all day to help you with these.” He pointed at their belongings.
***
Desember 2007
Seohyun breath on her hands, sending hot breathe to her band hands. She’s waiting for Yoona. An hour ago, Yoona asked her help to bring her paper she left on her desk. She was in hurry she forgot to bring it. The paper should be submitted today. Luckily, Seohyun just ended her class for today and she hurriedly went to the apartment and took Yoona’s paper before dashed again to university, Economy Department to be exact.
“Where is she?” Seohyun mumbled to herself, cursing herself for forgotten to wear her gloves. Just then she heard footsteps and she turned around to see Yoona and… a man. “Who is he?” She wondered.
Yoona fastened her step as she saw Seohyun’s figure. “Seohyun-ah!” She called. “Miane.” She apologized as she stood up in front of Seohyun.
“Here.” Seohyun handed her paper.
Yoona received it and noticed she didn’t wear her gloves. She bit her lips, felt sorry for her best friend. “I’m sorry for making you waiting so long.”
“It’s okay. Just go and submit your paper to that killer professor.” Seohyun pushed Yoona.
“How’s you get here?” Yoona asked Seohyun instead.
“By bus.” Why Yoona asked? Is she forgetting her car is being repaired? Seohyun thought.
“Ah right! I forgot.” Yoona turned to the man who almost they forgot his presence. “Sunbaenim. Can I ask a favor?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll go to your place after send her home. She didn’t bring her car.”
“What did you said? I’ll just go home by myself.” Seohyun butted in.
“Let’s just go together. We’ll send her home before go to my place.”
“No. I don’t want to burden you.” Seohyun rejected his offer.
“Is it okay?” Yoona asked ignored Seohyun.
“Of course.” The man said, smiling.
“Alright then.” Yoona then turned to Seohyun. “I’ll just submit it to Professor Song. Wait me here.” Then she turned to the man. “Sunbae. Please make sure this girl doesn’t go anywhere. She can be like snake slip easily.”
The man chuckled and Seohyun glared at her bestie.
“Don’t worry. I’ll tie her if it needed.” The man said nonchalantly.
“Thank you.” She muttered. “Oh! My bad.” She hit her forehead forgetting something.. “Seohyun.. he’s my sunbae, Jung Yonghwa. Sunbae, she’s my best friend, Seohyun.” And Yoona ran left the two alone.
The awkward atmosphere filled the air. Both of them didn’t say any words after Yoona left them.
“So.. You are Yoona’s best friend?” Yonghwa asked, trying to loose the awkward atmosphere.
“Ne.”
“Since when?”
“Junior high school.”
“Are you also student here?”
“Ne.”
“Which department?”
“Music and Art department.”
“Are you always like this?”
“Ne?”
He chuckled. “Answering every question with short words. Are you always like this?”
“Aniyo.”
“Then?”
“I… I just do not feel comfortable with strangers.”
“But I’m not a stranger. I’m Yoona’s sunbae.”
“Still.”
“Okay… How about being friends?”
“Ne?”
“So I’m not stranger anymore.”
“Ne?”
“Can you answer me with the other words than ‘Ne’?”
“Ne.”
“You’re still doing it.” He teased.
“I’m not.”
“That’s better. So, it’s a yes?”
“Ne?”
Yonghwa offered his hand. “Chingu?”
Seohyun looked at his hand then looked at him. “But you’re older than me.” She doubted.
“It’s okay. You can call me sunbae or maybe you prefer to call me.. oppa?” He teased.
Seohyun widened her eyes. “NE?” her face went red.
“What’s wrong?” Yoona who was already back, puzzled.
Yonghwa shrugged. “Nothing. Let’s go?!” He walked two feet ahead.
Yoona nudged at Seohyun. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
Yoona blinked her eyes. “What’s wrong with them?” She mumbled before caught up since she left behind.
***
March 2008
“Tell me why I’m here again?” Yoona stomped her feet sulking. She looked at the two figures who lined up buying popcorn. If only Jonghyun was here now, she couldn’t be felt so lonely. For the past five months, Jonghyun could only call her at night. He left to Japan to pursue his dream. He had a hard time assuring Yoona that their relationship won’t change. That he would always kept in touch, called her at least three times a week. Being a trainee wasn’t easy. There’re so much rules and he must obeyed it.
Yoona pouted, looking at Seohyun who looks very happy with Yonghwa next to her. “Ha! You told me you and him are nothing but friends? With those Romeo and Juliet gestures? You must be kidding me!” She mumbled.
“Yoona-ya.. kaja! The movie will start in two minutes.” Seohyun said to her, giving a big pack of pop corn and drink.
Even though Yoona felt jealous, she was happy for Seohyun. Since it was her first time was so close with other guy except her brother. Seohyun was always shy around guy. She couldn’t say much conversation with them. Yonghwa’s presence recently, slowly but sure, opened Seohyun’s cage and brought her out.
***
May 2008
“Just tell me the truth!!” Yoona demanded.
Seohyun tightened her blanket pretended already sleep.
“I know you inside out Seo Juhyeon. Don’t play around with me.” She threatened. “Or you prefer..” Yoona opened her bag. “I read it from your diary?!”
Seohyun got up in instant. “Yah!!” She tried to get back her bag.
“Tell me then I’ll give it back to you.”
“Give it to me!!” Seohyun tried to reach the bag.
“Tell me!!” Yoona climbed a chair and hanging the bag in the air.
Seohyun sighed. She couldn’t ever win over her. “Arasseo.” She slumped on the fluffy sofa.
Yoona took a seat in front of her. “I’m all ears.” Yoona was eager.
Seohyun sighed again. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
Seohyun looked at Yoona hesitantly. “I.. I admit that I’m nervous around him. But I don’t know whether he felt the same. All I can see that he is so comfortable around me. I-I don’t know.” Seohyun frustrated.
Yoona nodded. “Does he ever mention any girl name when he’s with you?”
Seohyun thought. “Nope.” She shook her head.
“But I noticed he always all smiling when he’s with you.”
“He said because I’m funny to tease.”
“Yes, you are.” Yoona agreed.
“What?!!”
“Nothing. Mmm.. for your case, I can tell you’re already fallen for him.”
“That’s not true.” Seohyun denied.
“Then what? It was my reaction as well when I was around Jonghyun oppa.”
Seohyun looked at her skeptically. “Am I?”
Yoona nodded enthusiastically. “There’s no other way.” Yoona decided.
“Huh?” Seohyun confused.
“Confess to him.”
Seohyun widened her eyes. “Are you mad?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll help you.”
***
Juni 2008
“What’s with the face?” Yoona asked the frowning girl in front of her. She got no answer. “He doesn’t call you yet?” Yoona guessed.
Seohyun nodded weakly. “What if.. What if you’re wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“About him liking me back.”
“I’m sure he is.”
“But he didn’t call me yet this week and as I remember, I didn’t say something offended him.” Seohyun put her chin on the table. Just then, her phone buzzed. A message from… Jung Yonghwa. Seohyun sat straight.
Seohyun let’s meet. I have something to tell you. Meet at the same place? 2 P.M. See you.
“See? He texts you.” Yoona beamed for her best friend. She then put her hands on Seohyun’s shoulders. “He must been hiding surprise for you. I’m waiting good news from you. Now go. Fighting~!!” Yoona made a fist supported her friend.
~~~
Seohyun was nervous. Her heart thumped really hard. She took a deep breathe several times to calm her crazy heart. She couldn’t help but anticipated what would Yonghwa said to her. Was it like Yoona said? That he would confess to her?
As she walked closer to the café, she couldn’t help but felt more nervous her hands got cold and sweat a lot.
The door opened automatically every time there’s customer entered the café. Seohyun’s nervous and anticipated face dropped as she saw Yonghwa with another girl. She wanted to escape but it’s too late since Yonghwa already noticed her. He waved at her happily. “Seohyun-ah!”
Seohyun’s heart dropped even more when she saw the girl wiped his mouth sweetly. Her heart felt heavy. Her eyes felt watery. She took a deep breath. She must been guess wrong right? That girl isn’t his girlfriend right? Right? Right?! Oh she needed Yoona right now.
“Hey!! Are you okay?” Yonghwa asked Seohyun who still stood up.
Seohyun snapped out. “Ah? Ani. Gwencahana.” She bowed to the girl next to him. “Annyeonghaseyo”
“Are you sure?” He asked again. “You look pale.”
“Gwenchana. Keokjongma.” Seohyun assured him. “So.. What are you wanted to talk about?” She asked, swallowing the lumps in her heart, preparing the worst.
Yonghwa grinned. “Ah! Let me introduced her to you.” His cheek grew even more. He looked very happy. “Seohyun-ah.. I told you I’ll introduce to you my girlfriend if I get one right?”
Seohyun nodded. Her heart telling her to leave the place right now but she couldn’t move her feet at all.
“So..” He looked lovingly at the girl next to him. “This is my girl, Shinhye.”
The Shinhye girl smiled shyly.
Seohyun felt her heart been bumped a big truck, stabbed a sharp sword. It hurt very much. She wanted to cry, but she couldn’t let him know. She shouldn’t let them know what her heart felt. “Oh..” She responded awkwardly. “K-Keurae??!!” She blinked several times, preventing her tears to flow down. “Chukahanda~~!” She tried to sound happy but failed.
The couple was too oblivious to notice it.
“I.. I need to go to restroom.” She stood up not hearing their answer, hurriedly went to restroom her tears already streamed river.
“Pabo! Pabo!!” She hit her head repeatedly. She stayed there for fifteen minutes before back to them her dress wet.
“What happened to you?” Yonghwa asked surprised. He noticed her face wet as well as her dress.
“I slip in the restroom.” She faked grin.
“Are you okay?”
“Don’t worry I’m okay.”
“No. Let’s get you home.”
“No need. I already called a cab. I’m sorry for ruin it. I got to go. Congratulation both of you. Nice to meet you Shinhye-ssi.”
Seohyun couldn’t be there any longer or her tears would come out again. She quickly dashed out ignoring mumbles form others.
~~~
She pressed the bell. She had the spare key though but didn’t feel like to use it. She hadn’t have enough energy even just to find the key on her bag.
Yoona rushed towards the door expecting someone else since it couldn’t be Seohyun. Seohyun had the spare key. But to her surprise, she found Seohyun crouched down her face buried on her knee. She’s crying. “Seohyun-ah what happened?” Yoona asked worriedly.
Seohyun hugged her and cry her heart out. All she needed right now was a shoulder to cry on, an embrace to calm down.
***
November 2008
Yoona sighed. She was still worried. “Are you sure?” She asked for the umpteenth for the past two hours already.
Seohyun paused and looked at her from her reflection in the mirror. “I’m sure Yoona-ya.. I need to do this to get over him. I can’t avoid him forever. Not when he can find me everywhere. Not when I see him everywhere.”
Yoona sighed. She felt sorry for Seohyun. “Call me if you can’t handle it.”
Seohyun took her hand bag. “Arasseo.” And Seohyun stepped out of their apartment. She would meet him. The man who broke her heart.
She wondered whether Seohyun would be alright. She had been trying to forget him these past months. They couldn’t avoid him forever though. Sometimes they bumped each other, him with his girlfriend. She was always hushed Seohyun calm afterwards. She wanted to punch his face, for him didn’t notice Seohyun’s feeling. She’s mad at him.
She could only pray that Seohyun would be alright. She needed to be alright.
***
January 2009
“What are you doing here?” Yoona asked coldly. She was surprised to see Yonghwa was the one who rang the bell.
Yonghwa was confused. “What? Wait. Seohyun didn’t tell you yet?”
“Tell what?” Yoona asked back, clueless.
“We’re going to Sunny birthday party.”
“We? Like Seohyun, me, and you?” Yoona asked for confirmation.
“Yup. Who else?”
“Your girlfriend.” Yoona said like as a matter of fact.
Yonghwa chuckled. “I don’t have girlfriend anymore.”
“What?!!” Well, it’s new news for her. “Since when?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because it related-”
“Oh.. Oppa! What are you doing here?” Seohyun cut Yoona off. She was just back from supermarket, bought some home needed. She was actually hiding for five minutes before cut Yoona for telling him her feeling.
“What are you wearing?” Yonghwa asked instead.
Seohyun looked down at her clothes. “ Err… Jeans?”
Yonghwa palmed his face. Apparently he knew she forgot about the party. “We have thirty minutes more to Sunny party.” He reminded her.
“Party?” Seohyun confused but then widened her eyes as she remembered. “Oh My God!! Shoot!! I forgot.”
Yonghwa shook his head. “Now girls, make your self pretty. I’ll wait you here.” He welcomed himself to their apartment.
***
April 2009
“You don’t want to be hurt again Seohyun.” Yoona said suddenly.
They were having lunch at café near their university.
“I won’t.” Seohyun replied, knowing where Yoona’s words lead to.
“You still love him.”
No respond.
“You do not answer me.”
“It’s not even a question.” Seohyun countered.
“So what are you two doing these past months? Pet names, weekly movies, night calls, routine messages.”
“We’re just friends.” Seohyun finished her steak. “I’m done.” She grabbed her belongings, left Yoona there.
“Why are you so stubborn Seohyun?”
She finished her meal as well. She took a deep breath. She took her phone and wrote messages.
To: Yonghwa sunbae
Can we meet? It’s urgent.
~~~
“What’s the urgent matter you’re talking about?” Yonghwa asked immediately as he took a seat next to Yoona. She asked him to meet her at the park near their department.
“What is Seohyun to you?” Yoona asked directly, didn’t plan to beat around.
“What?!” Yonghwa puzzled.
“Is she a toy for you?” She asked again. “She has heart if you don’t know.”
“What are you talking about?” Yonghwa didn’t understand a word.
“I just want to say… Don’t play around with her.” Yoona left him puzzled.
“What was she talking about?” He mumbled as he watched her figured disappeared after turned left the building.
***
August 2009
Seohyun rang the bell. She had a big box on her hand. The door opened revealing a petite girl, surprised.
“Ommo!!!” The girl surprised. “Let me help you.”
They carried the box together.
“Wow!! You must be strong!!” The girl commented.
Finally Seohyun took a good look at the girl. “Errrmm.. Nuguyo?”
“Ah! My bad. Kim Taeyeon-ibnida. Yonghwa’s girlfriend. You must be.. Seohyun right?”
Seohyun blinked her eyes. She heard wrong right?
Taeyeon waved her hands in front of her face. “Hey! You okay?” She asked worriedly.
Seohyun snapped. “Oh! Miane. So.. You’re Yonghwa oppa’s girlfriend? I never heard it.” She was confused. She was sure he never mentioned about this girl before.
Taeyeon smiled shyly. “Actually… we’re official two days ago.”
Seohyun blinked her eyes again. Why her heart felt heavy again? Why she felt a dagger stabbed right to her heart. I’m over him right? “Ahhh.. k-keureogeyo?” No! It’s not happening again. “Congratulation.” She tried to chirps.
“Thank’s..” Taeyeon blushed. “Yonghwa said he’ll back soon. He just had to finish something first. Please have a seat.”
“Gwenchanayo. Actually I had group task to attend.” She peeked at her watch. “I’m sorry I’m almost late. Say hi to Yonghwa oppa. Keureomyo.” She bowed and excused herself.
She hadn’t ready for another break. She though all this while, she had over him. She had no feeling for him again. Her love for him had done long time ago. But why her heart felt like squeezed it hurt? Her eyes got blur. She walked pass she didn’t hear Yonghwa called her name. And she drove away to her apartment. Though she was ashamed, she knew Yoona would always there when she needed her.
-----
Love. A simple word but had a deep meaning. Seohyun wouldn’t never know what it’s mean if she didn’t meet Yonghwa back then. She wouldn’t ever know how your stomach full of butterfly, or your heart beating fast a run horse could lose, or your sad face turned bright in instant just hearing his voice.
She wouldn’t ever know the heartbreak felt like. It hurt as dagger stabbed your heart, your skin peeled, a truck collide in your heart. Your heart felt heavy. Tears threatened to stream a river. She wouldn’t ever know if she didn’t meet him.
Was it a good luck? Or a bad one? She was still looking for the answer of her pain in her heart.
***
December 2012
Incheon Airport
Seohyun dragged her big case. She was just arrived from Japan. She didn’t have sleep enough last night she still felt sleepy.
“Seohyun-ah!!!” Yoona shouted at her.
Seohyun looked around searching her figure. Just then she got hugged made her case released from her hand causing a loud ‘dugg!’.
“Yah! Im Yoona!!!” Seohyun yelled. But Yoona was too happy her friend finally back.
“I miss youuuuuu~~!!!” she said and then released her hug. “Where’s my present?”
“What present?”
“Yah!! You nappeun!! Three years leaving me here at least you bring me some present!”
Seohyun laughed. “As if I forgot about you..” She stuck her tongue out. “Your present will come two days later.” She said and left Yoona dumbfounded. Jonghyun asked her for keeping from Yoona that he’ll back two days later.
“Huh?”
~~~
“So, what’s your plan? Being song writer must be really good.” Yoona asked her.
“I don’t know yet. I applied to some agencies, yet I don’t called back yet. Korean music industry apparently grew wider and wider. Even in Japan, Sonyeo Shidae became a hit. They’re daebak!!” Seohyun said enthusiastically.
“Jinjja?!”
“Eung~!” She drank her goguma latte. “Ah! I’m sorry not attending your graduation. It was all mess there. My boss even threat me will fired me. Ugh!! Luckily I’m free now.”
“Don’t mention it. The Gucci from you was beyond enough than the sender.”
“Mwoya~~!” Seohyun pouted. “So you don’t miss me?”
“I’m not.” Yoona then laughed. “Of course I miss you so much you silly girl.”
“I know.” Seohyun grinned. “So tell me about every one. How’s Sunny eonni? Tiffany eonni, and Yuri eonni?”
“Sunny eonni is good. I don’t know she can be a good wife for Jongki oppa. They still in bless. After all, they’re still newlywed anyway. Tiffany eonni is also doing well. Ah! She invites us to her café opening. She opened a café in Hongdae. She’s getting married with Siwon oppa in May.”
“Siwon?” Seohyun never heard the name.
“Yeah! After breaking with Hyunjoong, she fell in love with this young businessman. He’s good looking and success. And lastly Yuri, she’s getting engaged with Kwangsoo oppa. Does Yuri have no taste? Why him of all people?”
“Yah! Don’t say that.. We’ll never know with whom we’ll end up. Maybe that girin oppa is really Yuri eonni soulmate. Let’s just pray for their best.”
“Ayye ayye~~! Uri Seohyuni became a monk, huh?” Yoona teased.
“Yah!!”
They laughed.
Leaving Korea was her only decision that time. She couldn’t tell her feeling to Yonghwa. She was also couldn’t bear to see him with another woman. If love really made her hurt, she was really in pain. She lost weight, loss her appetite, all she did was done like auto mode. Maybe they’re never meant to each other. She was just needed a time to heal her heart. Now she finally back, her last wish was meeting him.
“So when will Tiffany eonni open her café?”
“Next week.”
But apparently fate still played it’s joke towards her.
-----
Yoona drove her car to Hongdae. Next to her, Seohyun was re-applying her make up. She was just arrived from an agency which called her for interview.
“How’s the interview?” Yoona asked she turned left.
“Good.” Seohyun replied shortly, as she tried to re-apply eyeliner.
Soon, they arrived in front of the café. It was written as Royal Garden Café.
“I never know Tiffany eonni has a good taste of some stuff like this.” Seohyun amused looking at the decoration.
“At least I’m not wasting time studying in America for four years.” A voice commented.
Seohyun turned around to see her favorite sunbae back in high school was smiling towards her. “Eonni~~~!!!!” Seohyun hugged her immediately.
“Aigoo~~ Uri seobaby had turned into lady, huh?” She teased the younger.
“Eonni~! I’m not a baby anymore.” Seohyun whined.
Tiffany laughed. “You’re still my baby after all.”
“Then what about me?” A man voice startled them.
“Yah!! You scared me!” Tiffany hit his arm. “Hon, this is Seohyun, my forever baby girl. Seohyun.. he’s my fiancé.”
“Annyeonghaseyo~!” Seohyun politely greeted.
“Ah! So this is the famous Seohyun?” Siwon amused at the younger.
“Huh?” She was confused.
“Nevermind.” He waved his hand at her, smiling. “Mind if I kidnap my fiancée?” Siwon asked.
Seohyun giggled. “Sure” She was glad her eonni finally found someone who truly loved her. It made her think. Was there someone who will love her?
Soon the party started. It was simple. Only some close relative and friends who attend.
“Seohyun.” Yoona tapped her shoulder.
“Ne?”
“I’m sorry but I have to go now. My boss called me and asked for accompany him to meet some client.”
“Then I’ll just go home with you.”
“No. No. Enjoy the party. You deserved it. Besides, Yuri eonni didn’t arrived yet she missed you. She said she’ll arrive soon.” Yoona then turned to Tiffany. “Eonni, please make sure she isn’t drunk. You still keep Jonghyun oppa number right? Call him if the party already ends.”
“Why I feel like I’m a child?” Seohyun pouted.
“Told you, you’re our baby girl.” Tiffany messed Seohyun’s hair. “Don’t worry Yoona. She’ll be fine. We’ll send her home later, no need to disturb the rocky band.” Tiffany assured.
“Okay. Thank’s eonni. Take care Seohyun.” And Yoona left the party.
“You said your cousin will come. Where is he?” Tiffany asked her fiancé.
“Why so eager to see him?” Siwon pouted, clearly jealous.
Seohyun couldn’t help but giggled at the sight.
“Of course I have to. He had his share of this café. He only sent his assistant every time. Why I feel like he’s arrogant?” Tiffany countered.
“He’s not. It just happened that way every time you asked him to come. My uncle condition isn’t good.” Siwon peeked at his watch. “He will be here soon.” He then looked at the door. “Speaking of the devil.”
Fate sometimes could play really cruel right? Three years ago, she ran away with her feeling towards him. It took an ocean tears to finally she though she had over him, forever. If she had to meet him again at least not this soon.
The footstep got near. Siwon waved his hand signing his cousin to come closer. “Yonghwa-ya!! Here!!”
And Seohyun’s body became tense. Her hands turned cold, her face pale. No! It’s not him right? Maybe it just happened they share a name. Right? Right?
“Hyung!!”
No!! It… That.. That voice!! No!! It can’t be happening!!
Seohyun could feel her palm really cold and sweaty.
“Annyeonghaseyo.” Yonghwa greeted Tiffany. “I think this is my first time to meet you Tiffany-ssi. Hyung talk a lot about you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience and sorry for being late.”
Tiffany flashed her eye-smiled to him, made Siwon jealous. “I told you not to give him your eye-smile.”
“What are you talking about? This is the way I smile to everyone. Geezz!!” She then pecked his cheek to ease his jealousy then turned to Yonghwa. “Nice to meet you.. Jung Yonghwa-ssi. Your cousin here always praise about you, not to mention your assistant.”
They didn’t know, there’s one girl on the table who was now trembling.
“Yeah!! I’m sorry for always sending Jungshin instead.”
“It’s okay. Siwon oppa told me earlier. I hope your father get well soon.”
“Ah ne~~” Yonghwa respond awkwardly.
“Oh! My bad. Let me introduce my friend, my baby girl.” Tiffany then turned to Seohyun. Her face was covered with her hair.
Yonghwa too, took a look at the girl who he noticed didn’t say any words since he joined them.
“Seohyun..” Tiffany nudged her. She could feel her hands cold.
Meanwhile, Yonghwa widened his eyes as Tiffany mentioned her name. “S-Seohyun?” Carefully, she tugged her hairs and froze as she was Seohyun he knew. Seohyun who left him without words. Seohyun who suddenly disappeared without news.
To their surprise, Seohyun fell on the floor, fainted.
“Seohyun-ah!!!” Tiffany screamed.
-----
Seohyun fluttered as she tried to open her eyes. She felt dizzy and her head hurt so much. She remembered she drank some wines last night. Ahh… That’s why she felt her head hurt so much?
“Ugh!!” Seohyun held her dizzy head. She then looked around to realize it was not her room.
She heard the door opened. Her body stiffened to see Yonghwa.
“Oh! You’re awake already?” He walked closer with food on his hands. He took a seat and offered her a pill. “Here for your hangover. You drank too much wine last night.”
Seohyun still puzzled and tried to remember what happened last night.
“Want me to feed you?” Yonghwa asked.
It snapped her. “A-Aniyo.” She took the pill and drank it, unnoticed the bitter smile on his face.
“Why talk formal to me? Am I a stranger now? As I remember, you’re the one who left me?” He felt a pang on his heart hearing her addressing him formally. It was like the first time they met. She treated him like random stranger. Yonghwa sighed.
“W-Why I’m here?” Seohyun looked around. “Where is this?”
“You fainted. You don’t remember?”
Seohyun shook her head. She was really didn’t remember at all.
“You’re in my apartment anyway. You should thank me for taking care of you. You threw a lot.”
Seohyun immediately sniffed her clothes only to realize that she wore a man shirt. “W-Where’s my dress?”
“Laundry service.”
“Are you.. by any chance… change my dress?” She asked carefully.
Yonghwa smirked. “Who else?”
She widened her eyes and pulled the blanket immediately. “P-Pervert!! How dare you take advantage to drunken girl?” Her nose flared only to cause loud laugh from him. Seohyun confused. Then it hit her. He just teased her. She took a pillow and slapped it on him. “Yah! You scared me to death! You jerk! You bastard!! You ugly dragon!! Pervert!!” She slapped him with the pillow repeatedly.
He stopped her and held her hands.
Her eyes became watery. “You scared me!!” She weakly hit his chest. “You scared me!”
Yonghwa suddenly pulled her to his embrace. “You scared me the most. You lost of my sight.” He hugged her tightly. “Don’t go anywhere else. Stay by my side.”
Seohyun sobbed. “Pabo!! Pabo! Pabo!!”
He could felt her tears on his shirt. “I miss you.”
~~~
“You what?!!!” Yoona shouted at Seohyun.
“Yah!! Calm down. We’re in public.” Seohyun tried to calm her down.
Yoona took a deep breath. “What do you mean you spent night at his apartment?” Yoona demanded.
“Geezz!! Don’t overreacting. We’re not doing anything funny if it is you mean. He just took care of me since I faint.”
“I shouldn’t trust Siwon oppa from the first place.” Yoona gritted her teeth. “How are you feeling now?” Yoona was still Yoona anyway. She was really caring about Seohyun.
“I’m fine.” Seohyun then suddenly went quiet.
“What is it? What happened?” Yoona got suspicious with her act.
“He said.. He missed me.”
“Ha!! Of course!! He couldn’t find his toy. Of course he missed you, his toy who always play your heart.” Yoona mocked.
“Yoona..”
“What? It’s the truth anyway. Don’t you remember how he played with your heart?” Yoona got angrier. After all this time, he still had a gut to meet Seohyun.
“Yoona, enough!”
“No, Seohyun!! I won’t let you meet him again. I won’t let him play your heart again.” Yoona stood up and left Seohyun.
“Yoona-ya! Yoona-ya!! Where’re you going?!” Seohyun shouted but Yoona ignored her.
~~~
“Miss! You can’t meet him.. He has a meeting right now.” A woman tried to stop Yoona but Yoona could careless. All she needed to say was to stay away from Seohyun. Poor the woman, they didn’t call Yoona as Him Yoona for nothing. Yoona could easily dodge the woman and entered the office angrily.
Yonghwa and Siwon surprised when the door slammed opened. “Yoona?”
“I-I’m sorry sir. I had asked her not to meet you b-”
Yonghwa raised his hand. “It’s okay Sully-ssi. You can go, I know her.”
His secretary then excused herself, felt relieve she didn’t get scold her.
“Please have a sit Yoona-ya..” Yonghwa offered her politely.
“I don’t need your sweet talk Jung Yonghwa-ssi. I come here to warn you.” Yoona inched closer. “Stay away from Seohyun. I’m deadly serious here. You don’t know how much pain she got every time you’re near. She had gone for damn three years just to forget about you! You don’t know how many times she cried back then! Heck your presence ruined everything!!” Yoona shouted her eyes teary. “Please! I’m begging at you. Please let her alone. You don’t deserve her love.” Yoona begged by now her voice still stern.
Yonghwa widened his eyes as he heard the last word. Love?
“W-What?!” He tried to digest what was he heard.
“You heard me. Leave her alone.”
“No. No. No!! What do you mean she love me? Seohyun love me?” He felt his feet wobble.
“Don’t play innocent Jung Yonghwa-ssi. I’m enough with your attitude.” Yoona left out slammed the door, leaving Yonghwa and Siwon dumbfounded.
“Hyung… Am I hearing right?” Yonghwa asked in dazed. Siwon patted his shoulder. “Eottoke hyung? What should I do?”
-----
To Yoona relieve, Seohyun never mentioned his name again. She worked as usual, do her activity like usual. But she did realize she often caught daydreaming and always reasoned that her work caused much stress to her.
Yoona had known Seohyun since forever. She knew her inside out. Of course she knew it was not her work. It was because of him. Jung Yonghwa. But I won’t let him near her anymore.
###
January 2013
Tiffany eonni invited me for dinner. Actually she invited Seohyun and me but Seohyun couldn’t come she had to finish the song for the new girl group debut song. I’m glad she’s doing fine with her job as song writer.
To my surprise, Siwon oppa was also there. Suddenly I remember my outburst last time. “Eonni~!” I waved at her weakly.
“Yoona-ya.. Oh! Where’s Seohyun?” Tiffany asked after realizing I came alone.
“She can’t come. She has so much work. She said the new girl group will debut soon and she got the project for their debut song.” I explained. I didn’t want Tiffany eonni thought Seohyun avoiding them. “Annyeonghaseyo Siwon oppa.” I greeted him awkwardly.
“I though you didn’t notice my presence.” He joked.
“Aniyo. It’s just..”
“Nevermind.” He cut me off. “Let’s order first. I’m hungry to death.” He offered.
I didn’t know if it was only me but I could feel the atmosphere wasn’t normal. I sighed. It must be because I yelled at Yonghwa in front of Siwon oppa. Ugh! Just remembering his name make me sad for Seohyun.
“Actually I asked Tiffany to invite you and Seohyun.” Siwon oppa initiated to talk after the food arrived.
“Ne?” I furrowed my brows.
“There’s something you should know..” He hung his words.
I glanced at Fany eonni but she wore her straight face. Okay, she tried to on neutral side. I’m waiting.
“… about Yonghwa.” He finished.
I should’ve known it. He was Yonghwa’s cousin after all. He should defend his cousin till to death.
“I don’n need any explanation oppa.” I said sternly as polite as I could.
“No. You and Seohyun do. I just don’t want my cousin got unfairly judged.”
I scoffed. “Unfairly judged? Am I hearing right? As far as I know, he’s the one who make my best friend life miserable. She-”
“Seohyun wasn’t the one who got miserable life.” I could hear his voice a bit louder. I took aback a bit. “He-”
His phone rang and he quickly picked it up as he saw the caller name. “What happening Jungshin-ah?” I could sense his voice trembled. Suddenly he stiffened. “WHAT?! How is he?!” He asked as gathered his suit and case. “Alright. I’m on the way. I’ll call Doctor Kim.”
I confused. What is it? Doctor?
“Honey what’s happening?” Fany eonni asked him.
“Yonghwa fainted. He’s in hospital now. You go with Yoona.” Siwon oppa explained in hurry I coulnd’t catch anything. What is it? Yonghwa? Doctor? Fainted?
“Yoona-ya!!” Fany eonni snapped me out.
“N-Ne?” I asked still confused.
“Let’s go to hospital.” Tiffany eonni pulled me, literally.
~~~
I didn’t know what’s happening. All I can see was some nurses and doctors running back and forth. Siwon oppa was nowhere to be seen. Tiffany eonni made a call to someone I didn’t know. I felt left out but somehow I couldn’t just go. I decided to wait.
Then I saw Siwon oppa got out of a room. He limped. Luckily Fany eonni caught him and brought him sat on the seat. He leaned his head on the wall. “Samchon and Imo?” Siwon asked Fany eonni.
“I already called them. They’ll arrive tomorrow.”
Then a silent moment came after. I could feel choke in my throat. I should know what happened. “What’s happening?” I finally asked.
I thought Siwon oppa just realized that I’m here since he widened his eyes. “Yoona?”
I became more confused. Why Siwon oppa looked so surprised to see me? Was my presence done needed? “Yonghwa.. What happened?”
Siwon oppa looked at me skeptically.
~~~
I cried. I didn’t even realize Jonghyun already came home.
“Yoona?” He must been heard my sob.
I raised my head and buried my face on his chest. “Eottokhaji?” I whispered. I didn’t want Seohyun woke up heard me cry.
“What happened?” Jonghyun asked confused.
“I don’t know what to do.” I sobbed again.
“Tell me.” Jonghyun ushered me calm.
“I just… I just d-don’t want t-to see S-Seohyun hurt a-again. I can’t s-s-see her in p-pain anymore.” I managed to explain between my sobs.
“Is it about Yonghwa guy again?”
I nodded.
Suddenly I felt his body stiffened. “What’s he done this time?”
I shook my head. “He didn’t do anything…H-He didn’t do anything… I asked him to stay away from Seohyun. I-I said he c-caused her in many p-pain… Jonghyun-ah.. What should I do? H-He is in the hospital… He’s dying…”
A broken glass suddenly heard and like a flash, I saw Seohyun ran outside. Seohyun? Was she heard? “S-Seohyun?!!” I stood up and tried to catch her figure, Jonghyun next to me. I cried a river by now. I felt bad for them. Siwon explained everything to me. That Yonghwa had this diseases I didn’t remember the name. He would die if his heart beat faster than normal. That he’s doing in purpose dating other girls just to make sure he still alive. That he didn’t even know how Seohyun felt.
“You go that way I’ll go that way.” Jonghyun ordered me.
I ran. Damn!! Seohyun-ah where are you? I ran frantically, ignoring people who saw me weirdly. I didn’t care. All I care was to find Seohyun. Seohyun-ah… I’m sorry.
-----
Yoona felt her hand was squeezed. She opened her eyes and saw Seohyun mumbled.
“Yonghwaaa… Yonghwaa…”
“Seohyun-ah… It’s me.. Seohyuna-ah wake up…!”
Slowly, Seohyun opened her eyes. “Yoona??”
“Ne. It’s me. How’s your feeling?”
“Yonghwa… Yonghwa… Where is he?” Seohyun tried to get up.
Jonghyun entered her room at the same time, surprised to see his sister wriggled tried to get down. He ran to her. “Seohyun-ah.. Calm down..”
“No!!” She shouted. “I can’t. I have to meet Yonghwa!! He needs me. I need him!!!”
Just then the doctor came and injected sedative liquid.
Seohyun hugged Jonghyun weakly. “I have to see him.. I need him… He needs me..” She sobbed.
-----
Jung Yonghwa. The man named Jung Yonghwa I know was a joker… choding.. prankster.. not this man who was lying on the bed with so many pipes on his body. Right. He must be pulled a prank right now.
“Yah!! Wake up!! Your prank does not work on me. I already know you. This prank doesn’t funny anymore, you know?!! Jung Yonghwa!! I said wake up!!” He didn’t budge. He was persistent huh? Let me show you how much persistent me too. “Yah!! You promised me to bring me to Venice, Paris, Italia, and many more!! Are you backing off now, huh?!! Do you know I already book the tickets? We’ll fly next week. So wake up and show me the world!! Jung Yonghwa!!” My heart hurt. It felt really hurt more than when he introduced his past girlfriends. At least I could still see his smiling. I wiped my tears which threatened to flow. “Yah!! Wake up!! You promised me to teach me how to play guitar!! You know I’m genius I can easily master it. Don’t back off!!!” I yelled at him frustrated. These tears were really stubborn. I turned my head and glared at Siwon oppa. “Siwon oppa!! Tell him to wake up! He had been sleep too long. He sleeps for a damn week. He once said he got dizzy easily if he sleeps too much.” Siwon oppa kept silent. What happened with every one? Why they’re looking at me with pity? I turned to Yonghwa again, shaking his arm. “Yonghwa-ya!! You’re a liar!! You said you miss me. Why you avoiding me just because Yoona ask you to? I know you’re always following me. Do you think I don’t know? I can sense your presence even one kilo!! I can smell your scent even one kilo!! I can even recognize your figure even one kilo!! Wake up!!” I kept shouted at him but he stayed still. I sobbed. “You said.. You love me..” I whispered weakly.. My energy drained out I slumped on the chair. My hand searched his hand. “You said you love me… You didn’t hear my answer yet… you said you love me…” I sobbed really hard. Suddenly I felt his hand moved. I looked at him. He slowly opened his eyes. “Y-Yonghwaa..?” I called him.
“S-Seohyunn… You’re here?” He asked in low voice.
“Ne… O-Oppa… I’m here Yonghwa-ya.. Please stay..” I cried silently. I caressed his cheek. “Stay with me..”
“I.. l-love.. you… Seo Ju..hyeon.. I.. love.. you my… love… light..”
I nodded repeatedly. “I know oppa… I know.. I love you too.. I love you too.. I love you..” I closed my eyes brought his hand to my cheek. “I love you…” I muttered over and over. I just wanted him to know how much I loved him.
***
8 years later
A little boy entered his home his bag threw on the sofa. “Adeul-ah~~ Put your bag in your room.” His father had him. The little boy who was about to surprised his mother obeyed him. After placed his bag, he shouted his mother. “Eomma~~!!!!” He found her in the kitchen and he back hugged her.
“Aigoo~~!! Uri adeul has come home?” She got his level. “How’s school?”
“It’s great!! I did what eomma teach me last night.” The little boy told enthusiastically. He grinned; showing his misplaced tooth which made him looked adorable.
“Ohh~~!! Jinjja?”
The little boy nodded. “Want me to show you?
“Errmm… how about help me first with the rice. After we had dinner, you can show to eomma. Eotte?”
“Arasseoyo” the little boy said cutely and fetched the rice. He took three bowls and carefully put the rice on it.
She resumed making kimchi jigae. Suddenly she could felt a pair of hands hugged her waist. “Yeokshi!! You’re the best eomma in the world!!” Her husband sniffed her scent. “You smell good.”
“Yah!! Uri adeul is here” She wriggled to free.
He sighed. “Arasseo.” He freed. “But I won’t let you go tonight.” He stole a quick peck on the cheek.
She giggled.
The food finally served. They had dinner while the little boy kept telling story about his friends in school. Yoonhoo who always following Jia everywhere, Minguk who cried again because Taksu teased him, Junsu who always tested the teacher patient, Jun who acted like a mature and many more.
“Eomma~~!!” The little boy called his mother. He found her in her room folding the clothes and then dragged her in the living room where his appa had seat.
“Arasseo.. Arasseo..” She sat next to her husband. “Ja!! Eomma is ready now.”
The little boy grinned. He walked backwards five steps and cleared his throat. “Annyeonghaseyo. Lee Yonghwa-ibnida. My father’s name is Lee Shin and my mother’s name is Lee Juhyeon. My father is a singer and my mother a song writer. My dream is to be a doctor so I can cure many sick people. I will study hard and make my parents proud of me.” Little Yonghwa ended his short speech.
Seohyun moved in tears.
“Yah!! You make eomma cry.” Lee Shin joked he got slapped on his arms by Seohyun.
Yonghwa ran to her and hug her tightly. “Eomma don’t cry. I won’t make you sad. I love you..”
“Aigoo~~ Eomma love Yonghwa too. Eomma just feeling proud since YongYong is already big.” Seohyun kissed his cheek.
“Yah!! You don’t love appa?!”
“I love you too..” Yonghwa gave him a hug too. He then pulled back, looked sad. “Keunde appa. My friend tell me that I’m not looks like you.” He pouted. “They said ‘Yonghwa-ya.. you’re not look like your appa.’”
“Who said that? They must seeing wrong. You do look like appa.” Lee Shin assured.
“Jinjja?!” Yonghwa beamed. “Which part?”
“Your eyes.”
“My eyes?”
“Ne. But I like your cheek more since it looks like eomma’s.”
The boys giggled.
“Appa. I’m sleepy..”
“Want me to read you story?”
“No. Sing a song to me.”
“Which song?”
“Love light.”
“Arasseo!” He carried his son to his room.
Seohyun looked at them tears threatened to flow. She entered her room and took out an envelope in the box. It was a letter Yonghwa wrote for her. The papers a bit worn out since she read it often when she missed him.
Five minutes later, Lee Shin joined her in the room. “Read the letter again?” He asked.
Seohyun wiped her tears. “That was fast. Are you sure Yonghwa is already sleep?”
“Of course.” He said, walked to her.
She looked at him suspiciously. “Don’t lie to me.”
He hugged her. “I’m not. I just tell him that if he wants a sister, he should sleep earlier so the baby sister can come earlier.” He kissed her lips, twice.
“What?”
“Why? He’s been asking me when she will have baby sister. He said that Yoona imo won’t let him to bring Hana home. That’s why he wants his own baby sister. So..?” He hugged her tightly.
“So… what?”
“Shall we fulfill Yonghwa’s request then?” He kissed her neck.
Seohyun wriggled to free and lays her back faced him left him dumbfounded. “Hyun~”
She didn’t answer.
“Hyun~~ Yonghwa wants baby sister.” He persuaded.
“Ara.”
“Then we should make it for him..”
She didn’t react.
“Hyun~~” He tried again.
Seohyun turned around and patted the empty spot. Lee Shin obeyed her. “If you want Yonghwa’s baby sister alive then you should behave… or I’ll miscarriage.”
Lee Shin blinked his eyes digested what she told him then he got up. “You’re pregnant?!!” He widened his eyes.
Seohyun looked at him, smiling. “Yes. Your child.”
Lee Shin got up from the bed and jumped like a child. “Yeaaayyy!! Finally!! Wait!! How do you know it’s a baby girl?”
Seohyun giggled at the sight. He’s just so adorable. Like a child trapped in adult body.
“I don’t know. Let’s pray it’s a she. Do you want baby girl or boy?”
Lee Shin back to lay beside her. He cupped her forehead. “I don’t care. As long as he/she’s healthy, that’s all the matter.” He then stroked her belly. “Aegiyah… Don’t make eomma suffer much. Arasseo? Appa promise will protect her and you.. and your brother too. Sleep well.”
Seohyun looked at her adorable husband. She shed tears again.
“Yah.. why are you crying?”
Seohyun wiped her tears. “Blame to hormone.” She whined.
“Arasseo. Let’s sleep Hyun~” Lee Shin turned the light off.
A cold wind blows and opened the folded letter from Yonghwa.
To: Seo Juhyeon
Seohyun, my lovely wife. I know I have no many times left. Thanks for loving me all this time. I’m sorry for making you suffer. I wouldn’t know if Yoona didn’t tell me.
Call me a coward. I deserve it. I choose to lose you to live. If I could choose, I want to be a healthy man, not sickly like this.
Ever since I found out my sickness, I’m scared. I’m scared I couldn’t handle my heart from not being all jumpy and happy every time I’m with you. I date Shinhye in order to erase my feeling for you. I don’t know what mantra you spell on me but your image never leaves my eyes. That’s why I broke with her and eventually I got close again to you. I miss the time with you, teasing you, seeing your smile, seeing your expressions, all about you. Your presence always makes my day brighter and colorful. I can’t not to see you.
I’m scared. If my heart failed and die, I couldn’t see you anymore. My doctor always advice me to avoid many things which could cause my heart beating fast… and it’s you. I did wrong. I hurt you again.
Seohyun, only you the woman in my life. Not that Shinhye nor Taeyeon. Only you.
You don’t know how much I miss you when you suddenly disappeared. I got no news about you I could do was work and work to keep my mind busy and forgot about you. But then you appeared again. You don’t know how happy I am, but sad at the same time when you call me formally. I felt like a stranger to you.
I don’t know you’re suffering much with my selfish action. I’m sorry, I’m selfish. All I did was only to prevent my heart failed without knowing how your heart feels. That’s why I was so shocked when Yoona said you love me. How stupid I am not noticing it. I am really sorry. I know I’m asking much for asking your forgiveness.
Seohyun, I’m asking you so much. But can you grant my last wish? I can’t see our child grew. If our child is a boy, please give his name after me. I missed three years your voice calling my name, your nag, your sweet voices. I hope he can hear you call his name like you call my name. If our child is a girl, please give her name after my grandma, Soojung.
Seohyun, find a good man and marry him. You’re too beautiful to live alone after I leave you. I don’t want to be selfish anymore. Forget me.. Live a new life after I’m gone. Raise our child well. These two months I feel blessed because you’re always with me.
I love you always and forever, Seohyun… My love light.
~~~
Meeting you was a miracle. Knowing you was happiness. Marry you was bliss. I won’t forget you Jung Yonghwa. Your name, your love will always in my heart.
I love you always and forever, Jung Yonghwa… My love light.
-=o0o=-
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